mas

> than anxious

my midlife nerves are beginning to calm
not drastically, but any change in a raging river is always felt.
maybe the snowpack wasn't what the winter usually promises
maybe i don't rely on one source anymore
maybe i'm just dying... who knows
as these pressures begin to lose their steam
my mind wanders to the farthest corner
of what a future could look like.
forget usual colors. not even the blends
these thoughts are of the pure escape
a desolation of memories, and even loose ties
the tide keeps things at bay, and i do too.

shup

I

am okay with it

dream cleaver

its like looking at the earth, and just knowing you're lucky to be here

its like looking at the sky and being able to breathe her

its like looking at destruction and seeing constructive 

its like knowing it's cold and wearing less 

to feel more

i used to put images in my head

called expectations

now i put challenges in my head

called obligations

those days

these days i am content to keep quiet, like a fed cat, or a dog nap
you'll never hear much from me from these days.
i do look around and wonder where I am
but these days i smile at an unfamiliar location.
my side feels more full,  and my bed welcomes me too.
cold mornings give warm moments structure
the kind you can build over.

a lack of focus creates a kalidescope of possibility
once my mind let it's latin walls crumble.
maybe this is my chance, the moment of solitude
when my writing is directed at no one,
and not even me.