Wednesday, April 19, 2017

back in black

im back as a usual suspect to these fucked parts
the band leader and the fatefully drowsy assistant
hopping from one selected story
through time to the next.

the symphony members are all wistfully resting
inching to the moment i awaken their cold craniums
and refill their empty spaces with harmonies to live for
melodies to make you insecure.

the crescendo rush, the proselytizing aria
packaged and tortured by the conductor
who happens to be high on praise
and dead set on settling the score.

all of this before the theatre even dawns the lights,
come for the show, stay for the sacrifice
the unmistakeable sound of applause
trying it's best to convince you a cloud burst overhead
and it's time to seek providence. 

Friday, April 14, 2017

help is on the way...

how do you do it? see what you want? visual commands that are your friends
experience from running up escalators and falling down elevator shafts
I want to see the worth, and I want to see the value
but everywhere I look my mind is caressed with a slap...
the empty gut feeling of demise, and looming balance.

I'm the mountaineer who chooses descent to dissolve.
the full bodied feeling of not coming back...
and these places I've been contain parts of me
leaving me to feel incomplete and outdated
make it love, make it fear, distill your brain
and make it clear.

caring is all I have anymore, silhouetted by fear,
founded, steeped and cultivated in the garden of return.
if it's been nearly three decades and the party seems dull
then have another robust sip
and hop into the car bound for salvation.

coordinate the heights, and the certain choice,
this act will leave me floating high above any negativity
higher than reason, higher than rhyme
softly descending to a blank stare
and a trail of blood escaping from my smile.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

casual vomit

today I accidentally dosed my grams

she was way high off some cannabis oil


Thursday, December 8, 2016

hokey pokey

doin the hokey pokey
turn yer left foot in
and your right foot out

thats what it's all about..

im moving back to southern california after what some are claiming an 'unsuccessful attempt' (crying laughing face)
i blew it,ruined it, missed the boat, and flanked the friends
i made promises and leaped from their vulnerable petals
im a sham, an easy taker, a fuckin try hard.
and what did i even accomplish?!?! heavens!?! sake!!??
how could i not see the opportunity that was trying to seduce me?
the visions of grandeur that i didn't have..
well...fuck that im done, maybe i can start (sarcastic guilty assurance face)

the above is what i've been told. not only by myself...
going back to demise, and grandmas boyhood.

i commiserate with those who have expressed this view to me, yet i pause to consider their dusty, often times down trodden projector, in desperate need of a tune up, and a fresh roll of film.

so here is my general goal out to the great listening, blog reading force of the earth.
i want to, i will, ....
grow the food my family and i  eat. (no grocery store. anymore) (soil improvement/ food forest ultimate goal)
study horticulture/botany and create profession/life through this medium
continue traveling and incorporating passions into destinations
cut my family and i's consumption of gas/water/electricity in half (if not more)
begin exploration of farming to friends and family...small scale csa/seasonal varieties/surplus

this is my goal, and the reason the haters can hate
and the helpers can help

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

feeling better/knowing who/whatyouare

can i give up yet? can i rewrite the rules that i hold myself to?
can we change the rules? can we legalize pain
........i called the sun the moon
and exclaimed my excitement to see it during the day
only to be reminded i was blind.

hit the ground running? pack up life and leave it in the backseat?
i have experienced so many forms of loss
that my life might just surround the thought
and my actions might hoard the inevitable. 

this is not for you, or them, or even us.
this is self preservation in a glass menagerie, 
thoughts to keep my soft tissue brain 
from melting out my nose.

what happens to a goal, or meaning
when the definition becomes antiquated....
usually what i work for, and whom i work for
turns out to be what i want to work against.

and the leader of the band, is me.

i didn't vote, i didn't put a last second instagram post declaring my support for the covert racism, i didn't even protest. im trapped inside myself, my room, my body and my memories. im trapped inside being defined by outside results, and the concrete is drying.

i never wanted to believe i would end up a sad, sorry shell of a person such as the womb i come from,
but environment will always support, or degrade subjects unfit to survive..

so i leave my strength, my wits, my rights, my wrongs, my thoughts and fears....
i leave them to rot, and turn to decompose into a new form...
an idea, a person, a cause, a waste, the pheonix that took to escalator....

Saturday, November 12, 2016


everything in life creates waves.
highs and lows, and mostly middle grounds?
coming home from such heights has proven to be tough,
the mental sphere is a fragile one,
ideas are like water, subject to drying up.

not to mention human mine
and those who of the same blood.

do you reason with the drunk
or roll them over each night?


Brendon Masters

Oceanside, CA, United States
you already know too much about me