salt and blood

you cant stay sad all the time, life is too bright.
nothing can honestly stand in someone's way.
you stand in your own way
or its me
or its both
i hope this makes no sense to you
can you honestly say you relate to what im thinking?
good
because i cant
take me back to the 50's
balsa boards and 2 girls for every boy.
i will prosper
without prosperity
i will



lay me down
in a bed of roses


walk dont run


wipeout

find your solution while searching for answers
love will find you in your depths
and fuck you
to
the
core

you cant hide baby





in bed at the hopsital

living without water

can you hear that?
i think it's coming from you
no wait...
that is you....its your voice....
can you not hear that?????
its fucking coming from you!!!!!!!
how on earth did you lose touch with yourself?
you have silenced your own conscience?
how proud you must be!
dont be sad, you were only following what you were taught.

now it sets it

why do i agree to this idea?
noone ever reads my journals, theyre too filled with hate.
a big open wound for people to gawk at
wondering how fucked up i must be to think of these ideas.
why does anger come to mind when a pen is to paper
i have gone against my personal respect
that i thought i had for myself.
type type type type type
where is the expression through typing?
go back to hiding your thoughts for yourself only.
this diary has no roof, no comfort or privacy
all the walls are glass.
and the fire is machine operated.
what happened to life?
who is so powerful that can remove the feeling of satisfaction
out of a person gasping for something new?
a species of animals that can contain others.
mankind is a curse upon these lands
what if i didn't want to be here?
what if my spirit does not belong to my body?

spoonfull of sugar...

it is quite a wonder how everything we hold dear can disappear in a flash.
some would say hold nothing close so nothing can be taken away
and i say.......why not?
if you have nothing, you've got nothing to lose.
why are material objects the hardest to let go of?
how do people not value their lives and the state of others as much as their time?
time hates you and will kill you
make time for yourself or make time to better someones situation.
go ahead and waste your precious time filling your head
one mans trash is anothers garbage
what will your judges say when you ask to be let in?
get on your knees and grovel
or
go have another drink...
drown in your self pity
and time will hold your head under.


try to hold in your laughter as you enjoy your own demise.

hate to say i told you soooo.

fall out people

what will today be like? so many new things to learn and observe. This voice in my head who tells me i cant wont shut up. why cant a person just crawl into a cave and be overtaken by his fears and failures. is this what taking drugs ultimately leads to. too many people these day take pride in their attempts to fuck their lives up beyond repair. i do not feel pity for those who are to insecure to face themselves and others. alcohol is a cop out used by a lot of this world. hide your fears and insecurities and have another one. after all, you wont be affected, this could never happen to YOU! my failure is my friend. i can think of no better teacher than my bad decisions and fucked up thoughts. so for now while i sit wondering what i am really missing out on i will conclude that as well as being my own teacher, you will make my mistakes for me and for this is thank you....

believing is seeing.

inconsistency is your word of the decade
emotions are you abused wife.
what you think is all in your head.
the need to be surrounded and noticed.
where do i come into this situation?
separation of thoughts and actions.
rules and regulations do not exist for those who do not see them.

for once in my short life certainty would be accepted.
this big cloud of pauses and shorts looming above my decisions.
continue on your righteous trek through the doubt and empty space.
your guide can only travel with you for so long,
until i am a whithered dusty chair.


how long can you convince yourself you know better?
this blissful state you float along in.
easily blaming the first pair of eyes your gaze upon.
who will be the person to stand up and push you over?
you may only be 5'7
but it is a hard lonely fall....

i care because i am deAD?

who says?

i am right
we are wrong
we are right
i am wrong
who is to say what has already been said? say it to who said this has already been said.
backwards
forwards
forward
backwards
moving left
moving right
moving right
moving left
up
down
down
up
smile
frown
frown
smile
frown.
running away
running towards
running towards
running away
falling
falling
falling
falling
dont let this be your light

dont let this be your life.

over acheivers

who says it is worth it to try to be a good person?
what makes these qualified individuals so divine?
i say live according to your knowledge.
karma is more false than the governments facade.
something is with us,
we reside in its shadows.
cast out,
until light was just a folk lore.
to be content, you must contend to be.
the good people are losing helmsdeep to mortdor....
where did man kind get sick?
...this illness that prevails in everyones heart.
those blessed enough can turn it down.
little white pills won't save us now....