While I wait

I am encountering so many obstacles now that your love is finished. So many opportunities to perfect calm, and denying a reason to panic. It's time for seclusion its my one word prescription for release from your doldrums. I love you so much I read our old conversations to feel companionship. I remember our highs and shrug off the lows that accompany every lesson. Sets I wear on my head. Rips that keep me stuck and swept out to sea. I won't look because I know what's there. Your golden baby and a perfect future vomiting results. I want to tear you apart to show you my dedication, but all I have is this bottle of barley wine and a dead battery. Alone. Drunk. Stranded. The bakers receipe for perfect sadness and a load of acceptance. I want to move to chile just to know you have a reason to come. Even if you never would. I need to tell myself I matter if only to save myself from jumping off this ledge. I'm desperate for attention and out of ideas. Maybe you're no different or maybe you're charmed, either way my homemaker failed. Stoned. Unaware. Passable. Thoughts you'll never read. places you'll never know inside of me. Tonight I drink to falling asleep without tear stained cheeks