hokey pokey

doin the hokey pokey
turn yer left foot in
and your right foot out

thats what it's all about..

im moving back to southern california after what some are claiming an 'unsuccessful attempt' (crying laughing face)
i blew it,ruined it, missed the boat, and flanked the friends
i made promises and leaped from their vulnerable petals
im a sham, an easy taker, a fuckin try hard.
and what did i even accomplish?!?! heavens!?! sake!!??
how could i not see the opportunity that was trying to seduce me?
the visions of grandeur that i didn't have..
well...fuck me...now that im done, maybe i can start (sarcastic guilty assurance face)

the above is what i've been told. not only by myself...
going back to demise, and grandmas boyhood.

i commiserate with those who have expressed this view to me, yet i pause to consider their dusty, often times down trodden projector, in desperate need of a tune up, and a fresh roll of film.

so here is my general goal out to the great listening, blog reading force of the earth.
i want to, i will, ....
grow the food my family and i  eat. (no grocery store. anymore) (soil improvement/ food forest ultimate goal)
study horticulture/botany and create profession/life through this medium
continue traveling and incorporating passions into destinations
cut my family and i's consumption of gas/water/electricity in half (if not more)
begin exploration of farming to friends and family...small scale csa/seasonal varieties/surplus


this is my goal, and the reason the haters can hate
and the helpers can help