can i give up yet? can i rewrite the rules that i hold myself to?
can we change the rules? can we legalize pain
........i called the sun the moon
and exclaimed my excitement to see it during the day
only to be reminded i was blind.
hit the ground running? pack up life and leave it in the backseat?
i have experienced so many forms of loss
that my life might just surround the thought
and my actions might hoard the inevitable.
this is not for you, or them, or even us.
this is self preservation in a glass menagerie,
thoughts to keep my soft tissue brain
from melting out my nose.
what happens to a goal, or meaning
when the definition becomes antiquated....
usually what i work for, and whom i work for
turns out to be what i want to work against.
and the leader of the band, is me.
i didn't vote, i didn't put a last second instagram post declaring my support for the covert racism, i didn't even protest. im trapped inside myself, my room, my body and my memories. im trapped inside being defined by outside results, and the concrete is drying.
i never wanted to believe i would end up a sad, sorry shell of a person such as the womb i come from,
but environment will always support, or degrade subjects unfit to survive..
so i leave my strength, my wits, my rights, my wrongs, my thoughts and fears....
i leave them to rot, and turn to dust...to decompose into a new form...
an idea, a person, a cause, a waste, the pheonix that took to escalator....