coffee dinner

all your life you've never seen a darkness like what's in front of you.
she is the sound and she is the feel
like a moth to the light, a solitary night
taking back, taken by the stars.

i find myself with developed refined allergies
awkward explanations and forced topics
a stranger to any and every group
but that familiar face you've seen before

am i trying? is it effort?
does it take effort to not try?

is it weed?
is it me?
is it the sea?

i can't see any path but more like tracks
its all the same
the spacing between the steps
camila...

still going

mas

> than anxious

my midlife nerves are beginning to calm
not drastically, but any change in a raging river is always felt.
maybe the snowpack wasn't what the winter usually promises
maybe i don't rely on one source anymore
maybe i'm just dying... who knows
as these pressures begin to lose their steam
my mind wanders to the farthest corner
of what a future could look like.
forget usual colors. not even the blends
these thoughts are of the pure escape
a desolation of memories, and even loose ties
the tide keeps things at bay, and i do too.

shup

I

am okay with it

dream cleaver

its like looking at the earth, and just knowing you're lucky to be here

its like looking at the sky and being able to breathe her

its like looking at destruction and seeing constructive 

its like knowing it's cold and wearing less 

to feel more

i used to put images in my head

called expectations

now i put challenges in my head

called obligations