i still feel dead.

like there is nothing inside of me

even good moments have the longevity of sulfur

my smile feels grounded

my self image is a puddle of murk

my memories are gone and all i remember is recent history

ambient floating with only a desire to be teathered

to routine, to familiarity

to no money worries,

no more thoughts of how easily you could change your mind

they say you know a language when you dream in it

what about when it narrates your sad heart

and give you cause to shudder in bitter memories



sorry i'm ranting again

i told you i would stop